


snow and silence

by Yati



Category: Xenosaga
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Community: 31_days, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-01
Updated: 2008-12-01
Packaged: 2017-10-02 16:35:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yati/pseuds/Yati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's winter in Sakura's subconscious domain. (Some spoilers for Episode II.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	snow and silence

**Author's Note:**

> Written for 31_days theme for 1 December 2008: _let snow and silence mark the site of my unseemly appetite_.

It's winter in her subconscious domain. It's winter, too, outside, at the Institute, but there the weather is mild and there's no thick blanket of snow smothering its gardens. It's cold here, yet Sakura doesn't seem to notice it even though she is still wearing her summer dress. Albedo feels Sakura's unease towards him more acutely than the cold, and it makes him angry. Sakura makes him angry -- the way her eyes flit away when they meet his and how her fingers clench at her dress when he stares at her -- it's the small things that makes him angry. She stays close to Rubedo and she dares -- she _dares_ \-- pluck at Rubedo's sleeve, and Rubedo turns, a smile on his lips, though it disappears almost immediately at her nervous behaviour. His questions are only met with a shake of her head, and when Rubedo glances at his other two companions Albedo just shrugs, and Nigredo doesn't say anything despite whatever he might have noticed, playing peacemaker all the way.

After a while, Rubedo takes her hand, almost without thinking, and leads her along as they make their way along the path, towards the endless chasms and the fallen windmills.

Rubedo used to hold _his_ hand once, before Sakura came into their lives. He wants to pull apart those pale, perfect hands, drench the snow red with her blood. He wants to dive even deeper into her consciousness and tear her apart bit by bit by bit until she doesn't exist anymore. He hates this pleasant, quaint reality her mind creates: he hates _her_. If she is hypersensitive to the UMN, it's not their problem -- all _they_ are supposed to do is fight U-DO, not fix pretty little girls and make them right again. Sakura looks at him when he thinks these thoughts, and it makes him feel guilty even as it makes him angrier -- how could _she_ know what he's thinking when even Rubedo couldn't?

They reach the river and Sakura pulls her hand away and drops back. Each dive into her subconscious never gets them past the windmills, not when they have Sakura with them. Rubedo is exasperated now. His reasoning is simple: if they could get to whatever it is Sakura is afraid of and eliminate it, they could cure her. Sakura refuses to go on. Nigredo shrugs helplessly and suggest they try again next time, just like he always does. Sakura never says anything and just stares at Rubedo with wide eyes, and Albedo suddenly understands something that Rubedo doesn't: she's as much as afraid of finding a cure as not finding one. He starts to laugh, startling Sakura, who looks like she's on the verge of tears, and Rubedo whirls around, biting off a curse. He marches over and grabs Albedo by the arm, muttering something about calling it a day and going home. Albedo flashes a triumphant smile Sakura's way, and the girl shrinks away, trembling.

He tells her goodbye, sweetly, as they leave. One day they'll get rid of her for sure.


End file.
